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Lamenting the Lost Lobster


Lobster is the top dog. The big kahuna. The grande Poobah.  

Lobster, that dish that radiates luxury and it can inspire even the most tightfisted smucks to splash the cash. 

People are searching for diamonds and finding rocks. Being handed a single shrimp rather than a big juicy lobster. They’re fed up and they just want a plate of finely smoked lobster. 

Guess what chums, you’ve got a lobster.



Snag a Lobster (heads up you already did this)


Alas, lobsters are notoriously difficult to catch. Congregating on the bottom of the ocean, a tad too deep for an easy capture. Even so you marvelous entrepreneur, you’ve already slaved over catching a lobster and you have a snazzy product that you know is going to send your client cray cray bananas to buy it. 

Only they aren’t buying it?


Package the Lobster

A restaurant has a beautiful blue prize lobster in a tank at the front of shop. You can already taste the sweet meat melting in your mouth. 

You eagerly snatch up the menu and scan down to: 

  • Sweet mother lovin’ lobster 

*Must fish out own lobster and prepare yourself.


Steady on, this restaurant is going to make you plunge your arms into the tank and battle with the pincers of DEATH. As you harbor some fondness for your fingers you snap the menu shut and wonder out the door, to never be seen again… 


Selling the Lobster



On account of the devastating story above things need to change. We need to hustle. We need to ruse and lure in our audience with QUALITY bait.

The internet is a tough cookie to break. Sadly, if you lose the attention of your potential clients even for a millisecond they’ve clicked off. You are old news. A fleeting flash of cash lost forever. 

Those people who wanted so badly to be your clients have gone to seek out friendlier skies. You had the lobster it was just so darn hard to purchase, they fled in the opposite direction.


Your website content is just as important as your product (i.e. the lobster). You have to entice your readers to stay and explore the website. To come back for more entertaining, informative and precious information BEFORE they buy anything from you. 

Don’t fret guys and gals I got your back! We are going to do some sweet Co-llab-bor-ation! 

Razzle dazzle those lobster seekers and get your clients begging for more.  

Enough of Lobster Analogies | Let’s Get Down to Business


Let’s be Partners Cowboy: packages to calibrate and propel your business



10 hours consultation work – $800

Me, you and an unbreakable contract in flesh and blood.



Just kidding.


Our relationship will be short, but sweeeeet.


Kind of editing that fits into this box:

  • A really quick run through and improvement of your sites main landing pages.
  • A series of three blog posts geared at revving your client up to purchasing your bad-ass products.
  • An update of your social media descriptions to Search Engine Optimise the gahoonies out of your content.


NOTE: 10 hours is NOT a lot of time. We will have to truly whittle down what you are after and check that it will fit in the time frame. Turns out your have a bit more on your plate than you realized? Don’t sweat it, I have more value for your dollar packages below.


Small Project: $2000

You have the most extraordinaire new material. You’ve been slaving over the project for weeks and are just bursting with excitement to share with your clients.

We can work hand in hand to present the project with flare and scintillation (that means glitter and confetti). We run through the scope of the project together and work DAY AND NIGHT to get it off to a flying start.


Monthly Consultation Contract: $2000 a month


You don’t know when you’ll need me, but you know you will. Hustling your way through day to day business, you can feel relieved and at peace that I’ll be there for you!


The beauty of this relationship is we can learn together. As a marriage prospers we can continually bounce ideas off each other, morphing into an unstoppable marketing force.



What are you waiting for trooper, send me an email and let’s start wooing the socks off clients.


I’m quivering in anticipation.

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